A piece of fan fiction by Jean Akins, written March 26, 2002

ROWAN ATKINSON as Ebenezer Blackadder
TONY ROBINSON as Baldrick
MIRIAM MARGOLYES as Queen Victoria

Scene: The day after Christmas in London, England, the Victorian Age.

Baldrick enters the Moustache Shoppe.

Blackadder: Baldrick, where have you been? There are shelves to dust and floors to sweep. Get moving, you little toad.

Baldrick: Mr. B., I’ve just returned from Buckingham Palace.

Blackadder: Very funny, Baldrick. I’m in no mood for your stupid attempts at humour.

Baldrick: It’s no jape, Mr. B. I had a cunning plan to get the Queen to reconsider and give you that fifty thousand pounds and the title of Baron Blackadder, even though you were horribly rude to her and Prince Albert. Only my plan kind of backfired on me in a funny sort of way.

Blackadder: What on earth do you mean? Assuming, of course, that you actually were able to get past the gates of Buckingham Palace to see the Queen.

Baldrick: It was easy. I just showed the guards the Royal Seal she left me.

Blackadder smacks himself on the forehead, as he thinks, ‘Of course!’

Blackadder: Then what happened?

Baldrick: Well. . .

Scene: Flashback to Buckingham Palace.

Queen Victoria: Yes, little hobgoblin. What do you want?

Baldrick: Please, your majesty. I want to clear up that misunderstanding from yesterday. Mr. Blackadder wasn’t –

Queen Victoria [interrupting him]: Blackadder! That disgusting, horribly rude man! You work for him, don’t you?

Baldrick: Yes, your majesty.

Queen Victoria: For how long now?

Baldrick: All my life, your majesty. My family has always worked for the Blackadders for many generations.

Queen Victoria: Say no more! I hereby award you fifty thousand pounds and the title of Baron – uh, what is your name, little hobgoblin? Oh, never mind. You can fill that in here on this certificate.

She gives Baldrick an important looking piece of paper and a large bag of money.

Baldrick [in amazement]: Your majesty! You’re making me a Baron and giving me fifty thousand pounds? Why?

Queen Victoria: Once a year we reward the good and the virtuous. You’ve worked for that terribly rude man Mr. Blackadder for all your life, yet managed to refrain from slitting his throat in the middle of the night. For that, you deserve to be rewarded. So here you go, my little hobgoblin!

Scene: Back at the Moustache Shoppe with Blackadder and Baldrick.

Blackadder [staring at the certificate]: Good heavens, Baldrick! That’s incredible!

Baldrick: I had to pinch myself several times on the way back, just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, Mr. B.

Blackadder: Uh, Baldrick, let me help you fill out that certificate, seeing as how you had a bit of trouble spelling ‘Merry Christmas’ on our Christmas cards earlier. Wouldn’t want to get it wrong on such a very important document, now would we?

Baldrick: No, sir, Mr. B. That’s very nice of you, Mr. B.

Blackadder [filling out the certificate]: So that’s ‘Baldrick’ spelled B, L, A, C, K, A, D, D, E, R. There. ‘Baldrick’.

Baldrick: Thank you, Mr. B. Now it’s official!

Blackadder: It certainly is. Oh, look over there! [pointing at the window] Isn’t that Santa Claus paying us a belated visit?

Baldrick: Really? Where? [turns to look where Blackadder was pointing]

Blackadder bops Baldrick on the head and takes the large bag of money and the certificate. He smiles and the closing theme of ‘A Blackadder Christmas Carol’ plays.

THE END

Based on characters created by Richard Curtis and Rowan Atkinson. Characters are used here without permission of their creators. This is strictly a personal work of fan fiction written for pleasure, not profit.

This page has no intention to infringe on the rights of the BBC, who are the intellectual property holders of ‘Black Adder’, & hold copyright over the episodes, characters, merchandise & storyline.