Baldrick on Smellovision (CBBC Comic Relief 1991)

Thanks must go to Jonathan Young for digging out this little beauty.

Featured in this clip were Tony Robinson as Baldrick, Presenter Andy Peters and a puppet called the Samiad from a 1991 childrens show.

Andy Peters: ……..Grange Hill will be back in the autum.

Samiad: Hello…….

Andy Peters: Hello? (Looking round) Samiad! “From Five Children and It.”

(walks over to a large box full of sand housing the puppet who is some sort of wizard dog thing that lives in the ground.)

Samiad: That’s right but dont worry about it, I’m sure you’ve got far more important things to do than introduce me.

Andy Peters: Well it’s just that your so highly talented I’ve always admired you, you see.

Samiad: Oh

Andy Peters: I like your sticky out horny bits. (The puppet moves it’s magic horn type things on it’s head)

Andy Peters: Actually I’ve got something important to tell you because we come to the best and the worst part of our scratch and sniff experiment.

(Get’s out his scratch and sniff card and shows the camera. Free from Fast Forward magazine.)

Andy Peters: If you’ve got one of your fast forward scratch and sniff cards. Scratch the trousers which is number 3 because here comes Baldrick. Poo eehh

(He scratches it and sniffs and turns up his nose in disgust. Followed by a shot of Baldrick walking in)

Samiad: Oh no

Andy Peters: Well I’m sorry what could I do….ah hello Baldrick

Baldrick: Hello.

Samiad: I’ve smelt some pretty extraordinary things in my time but this one really takes the biscuit.

Baldrick: (reacts) I smell lovely (sniffs his own arm pit) I smell as nice as a turnips bottom.

Andy Peters: Hmm and I’ve smelt so many turnips bottoms. Does it worry you smelling so bad?

Baldrick: No it’s lovely I smell nice.

Andy Peters: I mean what do your friends think of it?

Baldrick: I hav’nt got any friends so thats alright init!

Samiad: ahhhhhhh

Andy Peters: oh no dont give him sympathy.

Samiad: I’ll be his friend if he wants me to.

Baldrick: Ah he’ll be my friend.

Andy Peters: I think Im going to be ill.

(Baldrick climbs up on the sand box next to the Samiad and then gives him a long kiss that last for about 6 seconds Baldrick making a smoochy kiss noise and then leaves the Samiad choking and coughing in disgust)

Baldrick: Pretty good eh!

Samiad: (changing his mind on the friendship deal) On the other hand I think I’ll take a rain check on that one.

Baldrick: He didnt smell too good himself.

Andy Peters: I know but would you smell alright living in this all the time. (Picks up some of the rock sand dirt)

Samiad: It keeps me clean and dry. Andy?

Andy Peters: Yes Samiad.

Samiad: I have a reequest.

Andy Peters: This isnt Simon mayos radio show.

Samiad: You can grant me a wish I’ve spent a lot of time granting wishes of others.

Andy Peters: Oh all right then.

Samiad: Can I see that amazing puppet video again.

Baldrick: What Hale & Pace? (a micky take reference to that years comic relief single, by those 2 comedians who were also in the studio that day)

Andy Peters: No not that one.

(He then explains about a video featuring a huge star cast of famous puppets. This then appears in a red nose shaped caera transition effect and starts to play, by the time we come back Baldrick has left the studio)